We, as your parents, are here to affirm and celebrate your relationship and your decision to make an even greater commitment to each other by getting married.

I believe that the things I want to say about marriage are things that you already know and have already experienced and put into practice in your lives together. But I think these things still deserve mention as a way of honoring what you are doing by deciding to marry and of recognizing that the commitment of marriage both affirms and deepens the meaning of the relationship that you already have.

Marriage is a community of two and living in community can meet people's deepest needs. Our wish for you is that your marriage will fulfill that promise.

On the practical level, living in the community of a marriage can make many things much easier. You have a partner. You are able to pool your resources, energy, and wisdom. You share the work of daily life.

But far more important is the emotional support that a marriage can give. In a marriage, you are not alone. You belong to someone. You have the comfort of each other's company and the warmth of each other's affection. You can draw on each other's strengths and borrow positive energy when you are down. You have someone to share the joys of life and to support you through the sorrows. You have someone to trust. To be seen and known and loved by another is a beautiful thing. And when a person sees you, knows you and loves you, and then chooses to commit themselves to you "until death do you part", it is transforming. Within that safe space, you are free to accept yourself and to flourish and grow. It is nurturing, healing and affirming.

Of course there will be criticism and conflict, too. That is inevitable. But that can be transforming also. Marriage creates both the need and the opportunity to practice deep listening and gentle speech which, in turn, lead to understanding, compassion and forgiveness - the practice of love. Marriage can both inspire you and force you, sometimes kicking and screaming, to grow. The commitment of marriage can serve to keep you in there working to resolve problems when you might otherwise feel like pulling away. You grow more whole and you grow larger. As you gradually incorporate the other, you grow beyond the limitations of your separate self.

Seen in this light, marriage is a spiritual practice. Mystics of many religious traditions say that there is an underlying wholeness to the universe and that the way to move from isolation and fear to peace, love and joy is to be open to others and to realize that you are connected to everyone and everything. Our true nature is connection with others and it is when we are connected to others that we are most deeply happy.

Mystics also say that life can be lived only in the present moment and that a basic spiritual practice is to pay attention,to become mindful of the present moment where, free from regrets about the past and worries about the future, you can experience the wonders of life within you and around you.

Marriage can help you with this practice of mindfulness. Many things occur in a marriage that keep you grounded in the present moment. To start with, there is someone whose presence in your daily life demands that you pay attention! There is also the fact that having the support of another person engaged in the practice of mindfulness is very helpful. And the things that you share, eating meals together, working together, sleeping together, laughter, surprise, generosity, can take you out of your head and into the present moment and can help you live each day filled with awareness, joy and gratitude.

The things that are important for a successful marriage are always larger truths as well and have been expressed over andover again by many people. Some of the most important are:

Kindness. Lionel Barrymore. "The older you get, the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness."

Gratitude. Albert Schweitzer. "To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kindness that stands behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude."

Awareness. Mary Jean Iron. "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are... Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in my pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."

Staying Open. Henry Miller. "Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would be able to realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny... serves to defeat us in the end. What seems ... painful ... can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for (one) who has the vision to recognize it as such."

Finally, your marriage is important not only to you as individuals, but also to your family and to the larger community. Your marriage communicates to all your commitment to each other. Your marriage creates a family, a nucleus, which in turn affects everyone else. There are ripple effects from your marriage that spread outward, and your marriage can serve to manifest and spread peace, joy and love to your larger family, friends, animals, the community and the world. What MLK said about an individual is equally true of a marriage. "When one person gives voice to his or her own truth, the whole world could change."

And in your marriage, there also exists the possibility of creating, not only new emotional and spiritual life, but new physical life as well, and your marriage can provide the structure and security and commitment required to nourish that new life. You are an extension of your ancestors, all of whom are in you as you stand here today, and your marriage can serve to enlarge and extend your family into the future.

We are honored to be able to participate in the celebration of your marriage.

We are here to confirm what you already know, that you are deeply loved by us and that we are here to support you and your marriage in any way we can, and that our love and support is yours to call upon forever, even after we are no longer physically present in life.

We rejoice that you have found someone who also loves you deeply and with whom you can share your life, someone who is committed to you, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and who will be there for you always.